Tee tee tee pew pew pew baboom.

Heya my fellow Jeromeians.

1.The topic that i am going to write about today is..... Inner-self!

By inner-self, i am talking about another person that is exactly the same as you, but with different thinkings/attitudes/personalities.

I believe that the statement above is true. I do believe that there is another Jerome living inside this Jerome. However, i do not know if there are multiple Jeromes inside me.

Well, to clear things up for you, i will list the different types of Jeromes here.

JEROME#1

This Jerome is the Jerome that people usually see. People that don't know me personally. Handsome, cool, attractive, etc. People who know just Jerome usually thinks highly of him. This is because they have never heard him talk before.

JEROME#2

This is the Jerome that my friends know. They know Jerome#1, but their views of him have changed drastically. People who know this Jerome usually are on extreme ends with him. They either love him or hate him. This is because this Jerome is a total asshole.

JEROME#3

Aha. This is the Jerome Jerome. The real me, to be honest. Only the closest of my friends and my family know this Jerome. This Jerome acts naturally around them, because he knows that he can trust them. This Jerome is also abit of an asshole, but he would apologise if he is in the wrong.

Let me explain why i wrote all that.

I'm just trying to explain and prove to you that my point is valid, and that people would act differently around other people. Take me for example. Look at the 3 different types of me. I would appear differently to different groups of people. This is simply because i act differently around them. Sort of a split personality.

Yeah. I'm sort of a two faced asshole hypocrite. To be really honest, i believe that everyone is like that. We would all try to look our best at all times, to everyone, even though we don't look like that. *Ahem Makeup Ahem.*

Well, i have a few paragraphs to clarify myself.

Think about it. Would you really act like yourself on your first date? Would you fart on your first date? If your answer is yes, tell me. I'll remember you in my prayers.

The problem with us is that we tend to deceit others. One lie after another.

Take me for example, AGAIN. If you set me up on a date, *wink*, i would be sure to dress my best. I would do everything that i would not normally do. In other words, i would just show that person the good side of me.

However, if things drag along, i would slowly reveal myself to her. My habits would show up, etc. That is not a good thing.

First impressions always count, but i feel that one should not overdo it. If you act and behave totally opposite of what you really are, once they see through you and your asshole nature, you are done for.

Sorry, but this is not a blog on how to pick up chicks.

What i am saying is, it is perfectly natural and human-like to want to show off/ make a good impression. But, you should not overdo it. It would just make you look like a total jerkface. It is okay to act differently around different people. You can be a jerk to your brother, and yet a kind puppy loving guy around your girlfriend. It is normal, and almost everyone does that.

HOWEVER, if you look at it from another point, it is as though we are wearing masks. Different masks for different occasions. It appears that everyone has an infinite amount of masks, and that we can choose which to wear each day. All the masks look the same, but wearing it would give you a different personality.

The day when someone really mean what they say, is the day when their true face catches the sunlight. Think about it. It's so deep, maybe you can find Adele rolling in there.

Have a good day sir.

Cya,

JEROME.

Ugh.

Hohoho. Merry Christmas. It is the time of the year to be jolly and fun and all that shit.

I should really be happy and all excited now. Christmas! Whoo!. I just can't feel i anymore. Haha. I used to become so excited whenever this period of the year comes. But lately, i have just become so emotion-less. I guess the only things that i can feel these day are envy and anger. Hahaha. (laugh all you want but you ain't perfect too.)

When it was this time last year, or any year before, i was still happy-go-lucky. Now no more. My mind often force me to think about strange and complex things before it finally allows me to go to bed and orh orh. Things like my future, the afterlife, etc. Hmm. I am really not sure if this is merely just due to the odd sleeping hours, or i am really become a philosopher. Hahaha. I am really doubting it's the second though.

DISCLAIMER: THIS POST IS GOING TO BE DAMNNN BORING AND LENGTHY.

THINGS I THINK ABOUT BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP AT NIGHT NOT BECAUSE I WANT TO BUT BECAUSE I HAVE TO #1:

Life and how it is unfair.

You know, when you were young, everything would somehow just work out for you? From you shitting in your pampers to spoiling something, someone somehow would just fix it for you. Well honey, not anymore. For me at least. Isn't it strange? As you grow older, more things are expected of you, as compared to when you were younger. But, as you grow older, lesser help is coming your way. Why is this so? I know, being independent and all that, but, if that is so, why does the CEO do so little as compared to the average worker?

No, i am not tired of living in this world. No, i am not someone who wants to start a revolution. All i am doing here is asking life (or anybody who is at the same level of authority as life) : Why are you so unfair? People work like hell but they do not get what they deserve. Whereas, there are some people who put minimum effort but get bountiful rewards.

It is just like an ox and a farmer. The ox would plough the field for 16 hours a day, and it only gets fed with leftovers and wheat. Whereas, the farmer, who would just sit behind the ox, gets fed with rice, meat, etc. I do realise the fact that the farmer is the one who planted the seed. But, the main point here is, does the ox gets what he deserves? Well in this case, the ox is the average office worker while the farmer is the CEO. Even though the CEO started the company(planting the rice), it is actually the ox which enables the company to grow. So... Just think about it. Do leaders actually deserve what they are getting paid?

THINGS I THINK ABOUT BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP AT NIGHT NOT BECAUSE I WANT TO BUT BECAUSE I HAVE TO #2:

What happens when my parents pass on.

Hmm. I am not sure about you, but thinking about my relatives passing on is always frequent to me. To be honest, i don't really bother if my other relatives die(I am not close to them, but i will still attend their funeral out of respect), but if my parents or brother passes on, may i be damned.

My mum would always ask me, what would happen if she was gone. Well that question only pops up when i ask her to do me a favour. To be honest again, i don't know. I do not know if i would be crying or just shocked. I believe that we all would like our parents to stay with us forever(Unless you have abusive parents). But the sad sad truth is that they can't, even if they like to. Frankly, without my mother, my life would totally change.

Well, in fact, i had a similar experience twice. My parents went overseas together and me and my brother were left alone in charge for 6-7 days. Well, the first few days were awesome; sleeping late, ordering deliveries. But, after a while,(even though i don't admit it) i would sense that something is wrong. Like, something is out of place. It is like when you see a bottle cap not screwed on fully. You would think about it everytime you see something that reminds you of the loose cap. You would feel unrest until someone screws it tight. I would not describe this feeling as 'miss', but rather, 'amiss'.

I know, we all have our own incidents with our parents. But in the end, i still believe that family relationships would cover these incidents up. Thus, i find it easier to forgive my family than to forgive my friend.

The main point of this chapter is that, if my parents are gone forever, i would be screwed. Of course, i would still be able to live on, continue with my life. But that would take time for me. The first few months of losing them would be hell. I believe that everything in my life would fall apart. After that, i would be able to piece the parts back together. But it would not be the same without them.

DISCLAIMER: I AM MERELY WRITING OUT MY THOUGHTS. THIS PART MAY OFFEND SOME PEOPLE. IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED, PLEASE SKIP TO THE ENDING NOW.

THINGS I THINK ABOUT BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP AT NIGHT NOT BECAUSE I WANT TO BUT BECAUSE I HAVE TO #3:

The afterlife.

This is the one that keeps me up the longest. The afterlife. Is there an afterlife? Will i be reincarnated? Will i live in heaven forever like what the bible says? Well, if you were hoping to get answers to these questions from me, dream on. So many different religions, so many different teachings. Some teaches that people would be reincarnated into different things after they die, depending on what they did in their previous life. My question to this is; If one person dies and he/she reincarnates into another person, why is the world's population going up?

Well, since i am a Christian, my belief is that when i die, i would be in heaven forever and ever. This point has served as both a comforting and puzzling idea for me. Comforting, in a way that i would be in heaven, and not, in hell.(Which is eternal burning, etc.) Puzzling, because, of the word forever.

Dictionary.com explains forever as: without ever ending; eternally: to last forever.

The bible says that in heaven, there would be never ending joy, just happiness. No sorrow, discomfort, jealousy, etc.

But...Forever. That is a long time. I have read one saying before. "What is forever? Forever is when you send a bird, ask it to pick up a speck of dirt from earth, and fly to the moon to drop it off. When the bird is finally done, ask it to repeat for 10 more times. Then, that is just the beginning of forever,"

I would really love a restart button in life. So maybe that is why i would enjoy begin reincarnated. Although, i would still like to have some memories from my past life, so that i will not make the mistakes that i have made.

Still, this is my religion and i would believe in it with everything that i got. If God says no reincarnation, then, no reincarnation then. :)

Finally, the conclusion.

The point of this post is just to serve as a reminder for me, in the future. When i look back onto this blog, i would be able to see what i was thinking about during this period of my life. Also, this post is for all those people who think too much.(like me, for example) Hopefully you can find some answers to your deep questions.

Tatadaah. The end.

PEACE,

Jerome Leong.